Cats and dogs falling on monday, ain't it a little too soon [7]
2:14 AM | Author: kaushik
Wake up to the sound of the rain, plat plat, plat, diffused through your window, early in the morning. Open the window. Diffused day. A dull grey sky. Rain pelting down. Hills in the background hidden behing the curtain of water. Closer still, a redder earth, greener leaves, light green grass, enlivened by the rain, bearing its brunt. Accentuated colors. Lazily brush your teeth. Suddenly enjoy the cold water running down the tap. An extra splash. Lighted corridoor, but a sense of darkness in the mind. Go down to the mess. Hot tea, watching the rain, trees dancing to the breeze...
...the rain stops. An eerie silence, as though someone has paused everthing. The sun bullied to submission by the clouds, dares a peek suddenly. Bathes the earth in sunshine. Frogs, crickets, birds, in turn, take a peek from their shelter. Sunshine. Birds start to sing, frogs to croak, crickets start cricketing. Silence over, in just a moment.
Take the cycle. Roads flushed clean by the rain. Small streams of water by the side of the road, gushing towards the nullah and the lake. Droplets of water, just about to fall from leaves. Droplet falls. Another comes to replaces it, just about to fall. A lonely bird, all wet, with ruffled feathers, the dog, twisting its body free of water.
Cycle moves on, the wheels splitting a thin film of water on the ground. Invisible. Water splashes on both sides of the wheels, older people, pants foldedto their knees, black umberella, on the morning walk, sidestep to avoid the splash. Small puddles. Kids in red, green, blue, transperent raincoats, jump around, irreverent to their rin-white uniforms...
...a warmhole, time jumps, another age, another place.
A kid now. Red raincoat, heavy bag, waterbottle in hand, waiting for the bus, on a dry patch. Civilization restarts. Uncle's and Aunty's buying fresh fish. Bargaining. The newspaper guy arranges his stall. Small desk, full of news, english, hindi, bengali, covered all, in transperent white plastic. People huddle around him. Opinions opiniated, cigarrettes shared, chai sipped. The sweet shop owner raises his shutters. Hot shingara (samosa) aroma prods, urges everyone to the sweet shop.
The wooden bus arrives. Windows just open. Water sticking to the frame. Fresh air battles with the smell of dampness. Sets still damp. Bus moves, a little nap as the cool breeze hits your face...
...department, shady spot for cycle. Signature, mandatory attendence. Lab, A.C., lights, computer, orkut, gmail, thesis...
...Outside, the heavens open again.
Yes! the rains are here!!!!!
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Staring into infinity
3:08 PM | Author: kaushik
Sitting in a dark room,
Losing myself,
Staring into infinity.

Reliving the past,
Dreaming the future,
Confused & Sad & Excited & Expectant & Lost.

History does not change, the future is yet to come,
Today is too long.

What should have been done, what had been done.
What may I do, what will I do?
Choices made, Choices to make.
Will yesterday repeat tomorrow, Will yesterday contrast tomorrow?

Will life and dreams get entwined ,
or will they remain forever parallel

Keep learning,
But can old lessons meet new challenges
Yesterday was bad, Would Tomorrow be any good?

Old bonds,
How many more storms can they survive?
New bonds,
How strong would they be?

Old wounds,
Healing now.
New Wounds,
Would they heal?

Fifty years from now, Everything is history
What would be my story?
Happy, Sad, Content
A story of opportunities lost, A story of opportunities grabbed?
A story of decisions gone wrong, A story of decisions bang on?
A story of mistakes repeated, A story of mistakes avoided?
A story to forget, A story to remember?

Well, Time will tell
but fast that it is, it is bloody too slow.
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I am back :D
12:19 PM | Author: kaushik
Frankly, had got bored with the whole blog thing. The world's still raving about it.
Anyways, Parry wrote this about education.

And that prompted me to write this (though not initially as a blog, but as a comment on Parry's blog, which then got too big for a comment). Here it is


Education policy as such has gone totally out of control in India.

I believe is the problem with not enjoying classes in schools are
1. Parental pressure
2. Bad teachers

And the biggest culprit behind these two is US, as a part of the society. Sad but true, our society stinks...it is a place where what the collective believes is correct

(was reading an article yesterday about Indians and sex, why is it so taboo. The author says that the society has not grown beyond culture. Earlier girls were 12-13 when they were married and boys a couple of years elder to them, which turned out to be exactly the time when the sexual juices begin to flow. Surely, the couple then had sex and explored their desires, but the whole concept of sex only after marriage gets mis-interpreted, as now marriages take place only after 22-24.Culture is hampering normal human growth leading to increased cases of vulgarity, rape, pre-marital pregnancy etc etc. The blame then is on the poor teenagers...)

Coming back to what I was telling, the only thing our society understands is Marks, which they believe lead to a stable job and income. The only number that evaluates your intelligence is your marks. Dhoni is a aberration for the society. He is immensely talented, our average kids are not. The pressure to score is so much that parents force their kids to rote, to get >90%. They do not allow the child to enjoy the process of studying. As you said, they do not allow you to visualize history, play mock 1857 wars with your friends, read NGC, watch pictures to understand geography etc.

And society is to blame for poor teachers. In india, teachers are paid pittance. All the uber rich trusts and education society that runs these schools, consider teacher to be a commodity, you lose one, you get another. They do not think of them in terms of investment, which in turn leads to poor quality of people coming as teachers. It is a profession by choice, but unfortunately. here it is a profession by circumstance. You cannot be a good teacher. if you do not enjoy teaching. The mess kids liked our classes because we Loved taking those classes. But now imagine that you are teaching mass transfer.I doubt how much enthusiasm you will transfer to the class. I can add, that this pathetic situation is due to lack of visionary leaders in the country, leaders who dream of making changes, people like raja ram mohan roy etc, but finally it is our society that runs through the fabric of the country, and ours is a society that does not respect teachers and the circle continues.

But who changes this? Can we take the bull by the horns and change our regressive society, a society where the vanzara community stands behind the police officer who ordered the murder of an innocent(?) man, or a society which puts a case against hrithik and aish because they kissed in a movie, or a teacher who wants to ban star movies because it is bringing in the western culture. Are we free? Why is the western culture so popular amongst the young indians, why is that people who make decisions resent the western culture...and it is because our so called culture stifles freedom, gives some people control (parents over who their child should marry!), while the western culture is centered around freedom.

I was lucky to have been in a school were there were teachers who loved to teach (History and Geography especially), parents who were not demanding. I will probably be the same with my children, but do I have the courage and will power to change other people (people especially from rural areas where they have been taught our culture/society is the only thing good in the evil world, the hindu/muslim way of living as a society is the best, it has no loopholes?) I don't know.


Since, I have decided to blog, will just post some updated for reflecting back when I read this blog later
  • Am flying to USA, to become a PhD, god knows what after that. Come August, I will be here
  • Am done with my responsibilities as Institute Placement Nominee. Enjoyed it would be an understatement. An experience in learning that will stay with me forever ( and help in my jobs as well, I hope)
  • Attended my cousin's engagement in April. Feel so sad that I will have to miss her marriage in September.
  • Planning to attend another cousin's engagement in June. Feel so sad that I will have to miss her marriage also in September. (Ah! If , Air Deccan flew Chennai-Madison)
  • Attended a slew of Valfi's (Valedictory functions)
  • Went Trekking
  • Sprained my ankle
  • Visa interview on 24th may
  • Paper submission deadline on Monday, and I am here blogging!
Not too much of a surprise that my life has settled down to a steady state. The next few days/months/years is going to be colourful, as is with a transition....

Cheers!
Kaushik
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What I want from Life
1:14 PM | Author: kaushik
Some books just stay with you; the words just come out of the paper and hover around you; make you feel that perhaps given a choice, this is exactly what you would have written.

'Select' is a book-lover's eden. Located ironically, in a quiet street corner, off Brigade road, you could just get lost in the books there for years. I will not engage in futile attempts to describe their collection. Some of the best books that I have read in the past couple of years have been purchased there. It is a sort of place, where the book will find you (and not the other way round). Just being there is a wonderful experience.

I tend to overbuy at Select, and consequently, I 're-discovered' this book, lying in my shelf last weekend. It is titled- 'What I want from Life', a collection of essays about what 15 prominent theater personalities from the 1930's wanted from Life.

Initially, I tried to think about what I was thinking when I got this book! Why the hell should I care about what 15 people want from life, and that too from theater personalities, who would use such opportunities only for their benefit.

But, how mistaken was I?
I felt the need to post about the book, where other more important things in my life has not inspired me to do so![1]

The first essay is not that inspiring, for it is titled- 'I want nothing', but the author presents it such a beautiful way, of the aim of life to be try to grow to a position where you get to Do nothing. Gracie Fields, then just shows how seemingly easy other peoples jobs look from where we look, and how you continue to grow and expand in your quest to get to the 'Do nothing' job, along the way doing lots of things that makes you happy.

The next essay by Sir Cederic Hardwicke is about Man's ability that separates him from other animals- that to change things around him.
.
..The whole history of civilization is a study in leaps and pauses. For a year, ten years, a century, mankind will stand still, content to do as father and grandfather did. Then something will ferment in the soul of the race, a great reformer or pioneer or prophet will arise, and all the little reformers will do their bit towards pushing along to the next stage in our development.

I want to be one of these reformers. I am content to make a virtue of necessity and modestly disclaim to be a great reformer; I am resigned to being one of the myriad little ones; but I propose to be a very good little one...

It may not fall to many of us to find a state of affairs to which our peculiar talents may be applied with spectacular results; but spectacle is not the main or even a very important aspect of the most successful efforts...
Dame Sybil Thorndike, then writes about how the whole world is one single family, and beautifully draws similarities between the secrets of a successful family and a peaceful world. Fay Compton, writes about Cruelty, specially to animals.

Seymour Hicks writes one of the best essays, when (s)he(?) writes about 'Naturalness', of how we are living a world where we are everybody except ourselves.

...No, what we have to do is to tend in the direction of simplification; to stop wearing paten leather that lets in the wet. Let the bank clerk be a bank clerk, a cricketer be a cricketer and not a journalist, the advertisement be an advertisement and not disguise itself as ''Home Hint''.

Let's all gradually start afresh, level, genuine, honest and authentic; and for God's sake let's try to remember that, old school tie or no old school tie, we shall all smell alike in our coffins.

Gertrude Lawrence writes about 'remembering' the past, not only to reflect back on happier times, but more importantly to get your sense of proportion right, during the not so good times.

Paul Robeson, writes about finding out about our roots, and learning to be 'proud' about it and preserve it and the fallacy of mimicing the others (he being a negro, it is a brilliant piece, set in 1930's segregrated america).

Merle Oberon talks about the need for romance and adventure in life (romance has its roots in latin romanice, meaning 'in the vulgar tongue').

Charles Bickford, gets to within an inch of what I would probably have written, when he writes- 'I want to find out'. In his words

Philosophers tell us that the chief end of man is Happiness, and consequently his chief activity is the pursuit of happiness...

... That goes for the child in the crib. He wants to feed and sleep as well, but these are mere bodily function. The main activity of his mind is the pursuit of happiness and the thing that's going to make him happy is just finding out...
...Most people lose this itch to find out as soon as they grow up; some even before. They are willing to believe what they are told- and I will admit it is easier at that; but somehow that does not satisy me. I want to know; and I want to find out for myself- to smack at life to see if it will smack back. If it is bitter of nubbly, I want to know that too...

...All knowledge is man's for the asking, and I want it. I am not content to look at the sky and think-'Those are stars'. I want to know their names, and who put them there and what makes them shine. When a fellow called Einstein hatches a theory of relativity, nine hundred and ninety-nine men will say -"great guy, this Einstein" and sink another stein of beer. The odd one wants to know what it is all about. Guess I am odd....
Bickford ends his essay perfectly, when he quotes Keats

It's like a book, I think, this bloomin' world
Which you can read and care for just so long,
But presently you feel that you will die
Unless you get the page you're readin' done,
An' turn another - likely not so good;
But what you're after is to turn them all.
--------------------
[1] Like getting a job, MarketRx, 27th December 2006, 1615 hours.
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12:30 PM | Author: kaushik
I am supposed to be doing some work for my research meeting with my New guide tomorrow....
but WTH....I am a procastinator!


Last week was my Thatha's(Grand father's) Devasam (Shradd). I had gone home, and was just looking forward to the eating time, and had nothing else to do (as in participate in the ceremony). Nerul's powercut timings exactly matched the shradd timings, leaving me with only a book (Tinkle this time!) and my (more of) my thoughts!

Not surprisingly, my thoughts turned towards my grandfather and a peculiar statement (which later turned out to be true) that amma made, when we could not make it to Chennai (from Kolkata) in time for his funeral. I was in 11th then. She said, its good that you did not see his body before the funeral and the funeral, becuse then that would be the lasting image of thatha whenver you would think of him.

This proved true, as I saw my patti (grandmother), on her deathbed, and sudden thoughts of her of her conjure up those last painful moments of her life most of the time.

But the weird story is my final conversation with thatha, which again is the picture that keeps coming into my mind wheneverI think of him.

The events start during January 1999. Amma was getting operated, and my grand-parents had come to Calcutta to help appa and us out. As it turned out, our ( my sister and me) grand-parents were living with us after quite a long time ( discounting our short trips to madras), and this was the first (and unfortunately) that I have vivid memory of their stay with us in Calcutta.

Those two months that I spent with my grand-parents were magical, and even more so, given the circumstances. I had my board exams coming, my mom was sick, my dad was under tremendous pressure. Frankly, I dont remember talking to appa much during that time. My grand parents, had virtually become like parents then. Right from waking us up in the morning, packing tiffin box to school and listening patiently to our school stories.

The bonding with thatha especially was really great. He would sit and recount tales of his school in kerala, of the mischieves he used to make, his days at Hindu, of covering cricket matches in chepauk, of his days in IIT -office, of my father's childhood etc etc...

Some things that I still remember from that trip are
1. Fight between patti and thatha (!, could never imagine patti getting angry), for the remote. Thatha always would take the TV from 10 to 12 in the morning to watch Lok sabha proceedings. Patti wanted to watch some tamil serial at that time. And, she would never get to watch it. I remember, patti commenting in the afternoon 'Don't know, what he watches, firstly he can't hear properly, and he does not understand hindi'!
2. Appa had asked me to pay the house rent at the bank. And he had asked Thatha to accompany me as I did not know the procedures. The bank was a good 5 Kms away from our home. Thatha insisted on walking. I walked with him to the bank (in the afternoon sun), and was tired. I suggested that we can return by an auto, but he dragged me all the way back by foot. I was exhausted, and he still full of energy, even though, he was touching 80!
3. Previous incidient is indicatve. Thatha loved long walks. And most of the time, he would get something or the other. Mainly it was buiscuits. He would keep it on the table, and pester us to eat it, and would become unhappy, if it were not over by the evening. Also, he would get one new soap for my sister every other day.

By end of March, mom was mom again, shouting and busy, and my grand-parents were leaving for Madras. The taxi was there, and for some reason, appa had decided not to take us to the airport. My sister and me were there to say bye to them. After the customary advice session, Thatha got into the taxi, his eyes moist, and said to me(us), ' Do well, I may never see you again'.

None of us took that statement seriously. Infact, I only remembered it, follwoing the unfortunate series of events. And he said it so softly, that probably, I was the only one to hear it.

It so happened that 1999, was the 80th year for my thatha and 50th year for my thahtha-patti's marriage. A suddent plan was made to celebrate this occasion in October. As luck would have it, our tickets to Madras did not get confirmed. Appa, got hasty flight ticket (and given the charges then, it was impossible for him to afford tickets for all of us), and attended the ceremony.

To make it up to us, he planned a mega-millenium celebrations with all our relatives in Madras, and this time all the tickets were confirmed.

But our plannning and exitement for the trip was suddenly given a shock on 2nd December, when on returning from my tutuion, I saw lots of people sitting in the house, my mother silently sobbing and telling me that Thatha was no more.

His last words still haunt me.

-------------------
Well, thats the story. Presently, my guides and other prof's in the department convinced me that I should do a PhD, and now I am in the middle of apping again!! Placements, after a break start again on 24th. Work for it is piling up. Hope that I get a job this time!

cheeers!
K



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eye of the storm
11:36 AM | Author: kaushik
the ship of my life had been sailing smoothly for the last 5 years....but now, (un)fortunately, in the (begining?)middle of a storm......I will come out better.....


not a happy week for me...7days of placements done...no job yet!
8 interviews, two near misses....
confidence down....

but the will to bounce back is there (lots of points to prove!!!)

bitter experiences makes you better
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MY 15 seconds of Fame
12:18 PM | Author: kaushik
Yipeee!!!!
I came on TV today.....

was interviewed by CNBC for a story that they made on Placements at IIT-Bombay. I put some major fundae :-)

Apart from that....things are pretty normal, boring, nothing out of the ordinary...

last month has really been a drag.....

but next few days seem promising :)

placements starting from friday....got loads of work and an interview with Shell scheduled for Sunday....

hoping for the best!!

bye
K
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